Archives for category: Uncategorized

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

March 26, 2012 //

Quite a number of years ago, I was sitting in the backyard of my friend Lynda’s house, after a high school reunion. Lynda was there, of course, as was my friend Carol. (Carol is a sage, by the way, and as you may have guessed, she, Lynda, and I attended high school together.) Carol was holding forth on the subject of “gifts”, as in the sort you are born with. She identified hers, and I asked her, “what about mine?” (I have to confess that at this point, I do not remember whether Diane, who deserves her own post, was still with us or whether she had headed home to her family.)

I may not recognize all of them, but my best gift has been apparent to me for a long time: I have been blessed with the ability to make and keep friends. Like it or not, once you are my friend, you are my friend until you officially resign. The first person to bring this to my attention was my mom; she was visiting me in San Diego while I was still in my 20s, and observed, ” You make friends wherever you go.” I remember thinking at the time, “Why wouldn’t I?” In my youth, I took friendship for granted in the same way I regarded oxygen.

My friends are my oxygen. They sustain me. No joy, no sorrow, no aggravation or amusement would mean anything without them to share it. My worst job was made tolerable by my friendship with Thu. My best job was made better because of friendships with too many folks to name. (ok, except maybe Jill. And Phong. And Jen. Oh hell- so many great people there!)

And then there’s Missy, who uses a grown up name now. We’ve been friends for 45 years (Missy was pre-embryonic when we met.)

I am grateful to have maintained friendships with the neighbors I had when we were here in Durham for the first time, and to have recently made my first “work friend” at my part-time job. Tonight at my literacy class, I ran into a woman I trained with, and we made a plan to connect soon.

Tomorrow I will walk the neighborhood trail with my next-door neighbor. She was there when I moved into this house in 1997, and I am so glad she was still here when I came back last June. We will walk and talk about our other friends, and I will just keep being grateful.

Tags friendship, high school, work

Categories Uncategorized

Where Have I Been?

March 25, 2012 //

It feels like forever since I’ve posted. Even though I sat down to write several times in the last week or so, I couldn’t seem to generate anything worthy of a reader’s time. Now suddenly, I’m ready to write again- was it an attack of short-term ADD? Who knows?

I’ve spent the last 10 days watching basketball, in person and on TV. Between games, I’ve finished one of my household projects and started another. (Of course, not the dreaded chair cushion.) I’ve been working more hours at my part time job, and starting to get a handle on that. I’ve been walking the trail with my neighbor and getting to my literacy sessions. (Let me say that BR and I are killing it on the multi-syllable words!) Things around here are in bloom, including my forsythia and azaleas. TMIM and I are plotting our yard strategy. The Kid and I enjoyed an evening together in Raleigh, which included a pedicab ride through downtown at twilight, a concert by Ben Folds and the NC Symphony, and hours of talk after. I’m infatuated with a loopy little spaniel mix foster dog who will be meeting the rest of my family soon. I have a coffee date with a new friend from work today and a phone date with a dear friend of longstanding (I dare not call her old!) tomorrow night. I spent part of one late night crying for my mom. Unavoidably, I’ve spent other bits of time contemplating the imponderable behavior of my brother and his family, and trying to accept that some situations simply do not offer the hope of a good outcome.

The family thing is too big not to acknowledge, but it is nebulous and oddly remote. I prefer to concentrate on the dozens of small and tangible gifts I have experienced recently, and the dozens of small and tangible tasks before me.

Categories Uncategorized

Wearing My Heels on My Sleeve

March 15, 2012 //

You may have heard that I am a pretty big fan of a certain ACC basketball team, and that I am lucky enough to be going to see them play in the NCAA tournament. I am also a grown woman. I want to show my colors without wearing them on my face or my head. I strongly suspect that no blue-wigged fanatic will be any more excited than I am during the games, but I want to pass for normal and sane on my way to and from the coliseum.

What to do, what to wear? Any decent (superstitious) fan knows that apparel is all. The wrong choice=defeat.

I have team branded T-shirts, which I wear at home on game days, during chores, or when I exercise. The tournament, however, is the Prom of games, and I am, as I said a grown woman. I’m looking for grown-up clothes, but I refuse to wear a sweater bearing various campus landmarks, in the same way I do not wear sweaters commemorating Halloween or Christmas. It would be good if I could find something I could use during the rest of my life, and did not cost too much (I have so many other things on my list before clothes at the moment.) I don’t hate the team color by any measure, but it is not one of my core colors.

And oops, I waited until the day before the first game to act on this. I’m happy to report that today I found a boat neck “designer” T-shirt with cuffed sleeves in an appropriate shade of blue. (Had I been a bit more conscientious, I’d have been able to find my preferred blue and white striped version in the right size.) I’ll attach my “Tar Heel” foot applique, and be good to go. Whatever happens next will not be my fault.

Tags style, superstition, Tar Heels

Categories Uncategorized

Am I Blue? (College Basketball Edition)

March 14, 2012 //

It crept up on me fairly late in life. In 1995, when I told my boss I was leaving in order to accompany my husband to Chapel Hill for his graduate program, he replied, “Dean Smith territory.” I looked back at him in polite blankness. It’s hard now to believe that ever happened.

The first year in our new home, I was preoccupied with a pre-schooler, looking for work, and generally acclimating to our environment. As far as sports, I knew about the Durham Bulls Baseball team from the movie “Bull Durham,” and we wasted no time enjoying games at their new field that summer. (Did you know that the “home run” bull in the movie was constructed for the movie, and left with the team afterwards? I didn’t.) But I digress.

Basketball seeped slowly into my consciousness. Suddenly, I knew who Jerry Stackhouse and Antwan Jamison were, and fretted about their early departure to the NBA, without really knowing why. I was gradually developing a distaste for anything Duke, also absent rational consideration. We started following the games on TV, earlier each passing season. My fanhood remained at an appropriate level for a non-alum, middle-aged woman from California. I was interested enough to hold up my end of a conversation with another UNC fan, but relatively detached. Until we moved away in 2001.

The Tarheels became an embodiment of my homesickness. I watched all the games, enjoying them enough to include the women’s team in my routine. (Women’s games are harder to find on TV, but that is a whole other post.) I started reading. I knew who was hurt, and how long he was expected to be out. I watched Matt Doherty’s standing go from “God” (as seen painted on the concrete of “The Pit” on campus) to persona non grata within a few short years. I rejoiced with the rest of the Tarheel Nation when Roy Williams came home in 2003.

Five years later, when we became a bi-coastal family, the games became another way to feel close for TMIM and me. We’d check in before the tip-off, touch base at half time, and debrief at game’s end. Last spring, before the decision for me to come home had been made, Dr. T was visiting me during the NCAA tournament. We drank our beers from our magic “He’s Not Here” cups, and talked about how nice it would be when I was finally in North Carolina for the whole season.

And here I am, looking forward to a “bucket list” trip to Greensboro on Friday to see our guys compete in the second, and, I hope, third rounds of the NCAA tournament. We bought the tickets long ago, when we still had two healthy paychecks, knowing that we weren’t guaranteed to see the team, and thinking that I would have to save some vacation time and book a flight to be here. Sometimes faith is rewarded. Go Heels!

Tags basketball, Bull Durham, Roy Williams, Tar Heels, UNC

Categories Uncategorized

Going Back and Moving On

March 11, 2012 //

At the end of February, I was feeling spring-like symptoms: a little more energy, a much greater sense of enthusiasm and purpose, increased optimism. Then I heard about my mom, and, like a recalcitrant groundhog, I re-entered hibernation. Sure, I did what I had to do, but not much more. The air was out of my metaphorical tires.

My relationship with my mother can best be described as “fraught” and would require a book to examine, rather than a blog post. I won’t be talking about it much here, except for an occasional positive memory or appreciation.

The death of a relative can of course affect relationships with other family members. Bonds can be strengthened or severed. In my case, the tenuous connection I had with my birth family has apparently unravelled. I’ve spent the last 10 days or so feeling disoriented and disconnected, and worse, impotent.

My husband and I have talked and talked. (I am so grateful to have him, and The Kid, who really got me through the first, worst, night.) I keep coming back to something he said almost in passing: “We were so much happier on Monday,” referring to the day before I got the call. And we were. I am going back there.

I cannot do anything about losing my mother, or the behavior of the rest of my family. I can appreciate my happy memories. I can also appreciate what I had on that Monday and what I still have: a family of my own, a home, and amazing friends.

I also have a job to find, projects to finish (oh, the projects!) and things to look forward to- brunch with friends today, big-time college basketball this weekend (you will be hearing about that soon, at greater length than you might wish) and a concert with The Kid next week.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and life will go on whether I choose to participate or not. I choose to participate.

Categories Uncategorized

It Would Be Wrong…

March 2, 2012 //

…not to note that on February 28, at the end of an otherwise fun and productive day, I learned of my mother’s death. Even though I have been writing about her in my head forever, I will only say this for now:

She was, and will doubtless be, a dominant and nearly constant force in my life, and I wish that her own life had not been so difficult and disappointing.

Tags death, love and loss, mother

Categories Uncategorized

They Say the Darndest Things

February 28, 2012 //

The Kid is out back with her laptop, enjoying a hint of spring in the sunshine. I went out to check in with her, and we spent a few minutes chatting pleasantly. Perhaps the computer open on her lap prompted me to ask, “Do you read my blog?”

“No,” she replied. “I’ve seen it. It’s wordy.”

Categories Uncategorized

For the Birds

February 28, 2012 //

I’d get a lot more done around here without my little feathered friends. I glance out of the window by my desk and spot a yard full of robins, most of whom are bobbing (seriously) up and down atop the holly bushes planted too close to the front of the house. They gobble happily at the berries until I lean in for a closer look, then fly off to the trees.

Now I notice a towhee (formerly “Rufous-sided,” now simply “Eastern”) on the ground under the holly. And a male cardinal, bright orange-red in the tree above him. Hmm, who else is out there? At the moment, just the robins, deciding whether or not I can be trusted.

I know if I decide to look harder, I’ll see more: nuthatches (brown and black), chickadees, titmice, catbirds, mockingbirds, thrashers, goldfinches, house finches, purple finches, pine siskins, juncoes, and my favorite- bluebirds. And those are only the guys I can name. Add in at least three different types of woodpeckers and all the various wrens and sparrows (I admit that I’ve been lazy about learning the brown birds) and it’s a wonder I get anything done. Because once I spot one, I have to watch for a while. Thank goodness I find the doves boring.

Tags birds, procrastination

Categories Uncategorized

Ridin’ Dirty

February 27, 2012 //

Chamillionaire – Ridin’ dirty (Feat. Krayzie Bone) – YouTube.

Thanks to that Volkswagen commercial, I’ve had this song in my head for weeks. As I roll, to the mall, to the grocery store, my literacy lessons, mentally singing along, I laugh to myself, wondering under what circumstances a 50-something white woman in an aging Volvo would have to worry about getting hassled by The Man. And then I remember that speeding ticket in Kansas…”They see me rollin’…”

Categories Uncategorized

Some Lights, Once On, Stay Lit

February 23, 2012 //

BR and I have been working together for nearly six months now, and are on the verge of leaving behind a world consisting only of short vowel sounds and one syllable words. When you have been reading as long as I have, you tend to forget the intricate stages of learning the skill. Last night, we were reviewing blended digraphs, along with closed syllables and their five exceptions. (I know, you were too.)

I wrote the exceptions on the board: ild, old, olt, ost, and ind. We made words using each of the blended sounds: wild, child, gold, bold, colt, molt, most….uh oh! We touched on the exceptions to the exceptions: cost and lost, for example.

I constructed a pyramid of increasingly longer words as I made another list on the board. The last word was “topnotch.” BR quickly read it, and was able to identify the digraph (ch) and the blended digraph (tch.) I could see he “got it”, and he could too.

We went on with the lesson, and I tried hard to stay on our topic, but he is eager, and I am prone to digress. He suggested “coast” as a word using the “ost” exception. I wrote the real spelling on the board, and explained that we would get to that. “Oh wow,” he said smiling, as I demonstrated some other tricky vowel combinations we weren’t ready for. We talked about why English is such a complicated language to learn (all those other contributing languages.)

BR knows we have a lot of work left, but he knows he can do it. I do too.

Tags learning, literacy

Categories Uncategorized

Blogs I Follow