I’m bemused by the uproar over last night’s episode of “Modern Family,” wherein the youngest member of the cast, known as Lily on the show, takes up recreational swearing. Really? This is offensive? This is real life, people.

I will not pretend that TMIM and I are cuss-free (y’all know we aren’t) but we tried hard to mind ourselves around The Kid when she was little.  Toddlers pick up language like Cocker Spaniels pick up cockle burrs, and ours was no exception. TMIM was fixing dinner , while she and I “played” (After a long day at work, I would flop on her bedroom floor and let her crawl around over me) and the bomb detonated: “f***, f***, f***,”  she prattled happily.

I knew I had to do something, but what? “I heard you,” I said pleasantly, “Don’t you know any other words?”

I had defused the bomb. I did not hear another f*** from her until many years later, when she had learned how to use it properly.