I have been at my little job for slightly more than a year and a half now. After a month or two of wondering if I was in the right place, I’m comfortable and happy there. The job was probably just demanding enough to keep me from being swallowed by the bad things that were happening in my life when I took it. In retrospect, it is probably just as well I wasn’t trying to establish myself in a full-time, “serious” position while I was dealing with the death of my mother, my dog, and various family health issues. I suspect that my current restlessness is a good sign: my life is calm and stable enough to seriously pursue something bigger.
Here are a few things I’ve learned that I am sure will help me going forward:
I can succeed at something new: I’ve mastered the infernal computer/register/inventory system, and learned to navigate all four channels of our business. I am producing results comparable to those of two senior colleagues, both of whom have design degrees and have run their own design businesses.
I am not motivated by money: I earn a fraction (a very small fraction) of what I used to. I would make the same amount of money just by showing up, but every day, I put forth my best effort, and continue to challenge myself. The proof of this is that despite having been momentarily stunned and disgusted by my insignificant first “raise” I am still working hard.
I can simultaneously accept my reality and change it: I had hoped that I might be able to eventually meet all of my needs in this job. My first review and wage increase showed me that I couldn’t. It’s just not that kind of job, and I might have known it, had I asked the right questions when I interviewed. After some reflection, I realized that I enjoyed the job too much to quit, and that I could alleviate my resentment by simply reducing my availability to four days a week from seven. Saving Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays for myself gave me a sense of control and needed structure in my schedule.
I am most successful when I forget myself: Fully focusing on my customers and meeting their needs allows no room for self-consciousness and insecurity, and produces excellent results.
I am not my job title, or my paycheck: I knew that, but it’s good to remember.
thatdifficultstage 
he key for me, after having a medium size job for many years, is finally seeing the job as the means to an end and not my primary value. i am learning how to work to live, instead live to work, finally, out of necessity, after 30 yrs plus of living for work.
i think your “little” job is such a great gift in itself — and you ARE gifted at so many aspects of doing that kind of work. remember summer of 81, when you helped me develop a personal fashion style during a traumatic period in my marriage — when my self esteem had hit rock bottom — and i felt you had given me tools to help me feel attractive and well-put-together that I STILL USE. when i care about that kind of stuff 😀
this is a gift you use to help people feel good about themselves and the havens they want to build for your lives.this is a BIG JOB. tiny paycheck maybe. xoxoxo
thank you for that. I think sometimes we don’t value things that come easily to us (and sometimes the marketplace doesn’t either : )
xoxoxo